Once when I was a child, I decided to pack up my things and leave home on account that I found my parents’ rules “unfair”. I didn’t get very far before I realized that it wasn’t worth it. This “free spirited” attitude followed me into my early adulthood. My first venture out into the world after high school left me to my own demise. I did not set many limitations as to what I shouldn’t do. Eventually, I found myself completely broken and lost. I had nothing left to live for. I wanted to die.

I'm not sure at what point it happened, but sometime in my late teen years I decided that life was too short and that I needed to enjoy all it had to offer. I trusted my peers' insight rather than my parents'. At that age, I didn't want to stand out from the rest and excel. Instead, I wanted to blend in with the crowd. My goals were not driven by academics or prestige, but by dumb movies like “American Pie” and “Superbad”, which were riddled with sex, drugs and alcohol. At first, this lifestyle appeared to be fulfilling, but eventually it turned into a terrible life of substance dependency for me.

Between my senior year of high school and the age of 22, I made a destructive series of bad choices. For example, I was suspended from school for possession of alcohol. I flunked two semesters of college because of poor attendance. I walked off a job three separate times. I came close to overdosing on speed at least twice. I barely evaded some severe criminal charges. I sold my car along with some other important and sentimental assets for drug money. And worst of all, I destroyed close relationships that have taken years to rebuild. I can't forget to mention that I saw several friends and acquaintances die of drug overdose, all the while I was throwing my own life away.

I was a mess. Yet one day, a gentle voice called me from a distance as I sat on a park bench with a losing lottery ticket, a cigarette and a coffee in hand. I felt an urge to cry out to God for help. He answered. The process was slow and difficult, but little by little He lifted me out of my empty life of addiction. Through it all, I drew close to God. He made me hungry for His word. He taught me to trust Him. He showed me what a “free spirit” really is. I repented of my sin and pride. I followed that loving, merciful, gentle voice that was calling me home.

(Artwork credited to Barbara Galaz)

You see, I had grown up in the church and was familiar with the information within the pages of the Bible. What I had been missing though, was the purpose of it all. God created us to have communion with Him. The problem is that sin breaks that communion. Moreover it brings death to mankind. Romans 6:23 says it best, “the wages of sin is death.” Therefore we must pay for our sins with our very life. However, God came in the flesh in the person of Jesus Christ to live a perfect life and lay down His life in our stead. I understood this formula and had even repeated the “sinner's prayer” for what I thought was a security policy for eternal life. What I didn't realize, until I came to my rope's end, is that we too must lay down our lives when we put our faith in Jesus. By lay down our lives, I don't mean our physical lives, but our very being. We turn from a former way of life and follow Jesus' lead. This is the essence of faith and repentance. 

So the good news is that the door to His home is open to all those who put their trust in the redemptive work Jesus did on the cross. Nobody is outside of the reach of His grace. He took the penalty for our sin just so that we could walk with Him again from now through eternity. To those who wish to enter His home on their own works though I do have bad news...you can't. Jesus is the way. (John 14:6)

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, “
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Romans‬ ‭3‬:‭23‬ NIV‬‬

Our good deeds will never cancel out our bad deeds. That's like being on trial for robbery and justifying your actions by saying “well I've never murdered anyone.” We've all sinned in one way or another. Thusly, the penalty must be paid either through the blood of Jesus or by our eternal damnation, because God is just as much as He is merciful. I really wish I would have understood all of this before going through so much personal strife and anguish. Perhaps I may have not understood it though without falling so low. There is one thing I do know, and that is that I have never looked back to return to my former life. I now have the privilege of living each day in the presence of almighty God. I have direction when things don't make sense. I have peace when the world is crumbling down. I have love even when I'm treated with disdain. I see victory in my moments of despair. I find patience in the midst of anxiety. I have hope in the face of uncertainty. I have a home while wandering through a lost world. 

The question is, do you want to come home? Don't you hear that gentle voice calling you there? There is nothing that’s worth holding you back. It’s the place where you need to be.